Learning is an ocean. Who has learnt completely? Centuries pass but there is no age for education. Each second is a new experience. You learn! A similar song is there in my husband's one of the films. He has applied this principle throughout his life. He is always on toes to learn new things. The right attitudes, musical instruments, care for professionalism never left out by him.
Rajkumar avaru learnt how to play sitar instrument. Radhakrishna brother of duo director Dorai and Bhagwan taught him. After Radhakrishna's death he stopped playing that instrument.
My youngest daughter and Raghu were aware of sitar instrument. We used to carry that instrument for long distance. I carried it to Kashmir once. I was getting extra respect because of that instrument.
In 'Chalisuva Modagalu' there was a scene where Rajkumar plays the sitar instrument. He plays the harmonium from both his hands. We had plans to come out with a sitar based film starring Dr.Rajkumar but that did not happen.
With all these things on the one side and his stay in the hospital is remembered I get really disturbed. The loss of his brother Varadaraj he is not able to overcome it.
We all lived together for many decades. After settling down in Bangalore it was all like a family. Varadaraju was four years elder to me. I grew up like his sister in life. When I am not able to forget him it is very difficult for Dr.Raj to forget his brother's death.
I used to tell him to take courage. All the four daughters of Varadappa are our daughters. For them you have to take courage. Do not get emotional I was urging before him. Then he used to keep quiet. Whenever he is in pain he keeps very silent. His silence was also an indication that he is in pains.
His statements when he is pain are very meaningful. If they are recorded it would be fine. I thought of giving tape recorder to all family members to get the statements made by Dr.Raj when he was in pain.
As a matter of fact if you give me a radio I do not know how to operate it. I did not learn all such things. I lived for him. Indulged in the business, worked round the clock, looked after his health, food etc. I found happiness in doing such services.
Now the entire responsibility of the house is in the hands of my second daughter in law Mangala. Dr.Raj shows interest in seeing the shooting of his son's films. But when he goes out there are other problems plus the health problem. He does not even wear cap.
He is stubborn sometimes. If he decides that he should go, he should be there. He never used to get angry. He does not like waiting. He just smiles when he gets wild and return back to normalcy very quickly.
Dr. RajkumarI pray the almighty one thing. He should not go to hospital and doctors again and again. It immensely pains me to see him in such conditions. When he was in the hospital for four days I was staying with him all the four days. He was telling me to go home and take rest. I did not go. It is easy to say. My mind did not permit me to go. When I am in pain he cannot sustain. Then I repeat what he would say to me when he was in pains.
It is easier to tell courageous words. But when pain occurs to us it definitely pains. You have sustained the pain when Dr/Raj was in deep forest they would say. I did not cry in front of my children. I did not cry in front of people. But I have cried for hours together and console to myself. No one can say there is no pain in him. It is inside the human being in one way or the other.
When I stepped inside his house I was 15 years. 53 years I have so far lived with him. I was not going to my parent's house even for a few days. We used to protect each other so well. Such being the intimacy how can I sustain the pain when he goes to hospital. It becomes very difficult for my mind.
Whatever the almighty gives we have to sustain it. In pains we have cry and get console ourselves. Those tears should not reach others. When you have affection this is bound to happen.
Dr .Raj sings very well even to this day. The Rangageethe he sings are all what his father used to sing. He sings the Keerthanas also. Eight Keerthanas and stage songs we want to bring in audio format. The song in 'Ambarisha' – Bhogavilasave… and another song when he leaves his wife I like it very much. The songs on lord Anjaneya, Srirama, Srikrishna are also very good.
I pray the almighty to provide opportunity for such projects.
UNFORGETTABLE – He used to talk to a doctor before doing that role. He was seeing the operations going on in OT. For lawyer role he was contacting the professionals. He was not taking any role for granted. The police department watching Dr.Raj in cop roles was of the opinion that they should be like him (Dr.Raj).